Worse Wishes
by ZedSlayer
Summary: Shirou goes back after Fate to be with Saber for longer. He accidentally summons seven Sabers. The Grail brings in its specialist for 'when things go wrong' and shenanigans ensue. Inspired partially by various Peggy Sue fics and Nerve Damage (Shout out to Crossy Cross, you're awesome).
1. Chapter 1

**Shirou**

It was over, we had won, The corrupted Holy Grail was destroyed. I looked at the rising sun with Saber standing by my side and I knew that, no matter what happened, we would face the future together. I slipped my arm around her waist. "I love you, Saber." I turned my head and smiled at her.

"I love –"Saber cuts off mid-sentence and a look of panic appears on her face. I feel her begin to dissolve in my arms.

No. No! NO! NONONONONONONONONONONONONO!

And she's gone. A single thought goes through my head: I have to see her again. I must see her again. Please, just let me stand by her one more time.

_What the hell, we've granted worse wishes._

* * *

That night. The night I saw Archer and Lancer fight. The night I died, only to be saved by Rin. This time, I deliberately avoid the school courtyard on my way out. I doubt either of the Servants saw me. I sneak back into my house and prepare a quick meal before retiring to the shed.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are! Thought yourself pretty clever by sneaking around my fight, didn't you?" a familiar voice calls out, Lancer's voice. I remember the smile on the blue knight's face as he faced Gilgamesh, a foe he knew he couldn't beat.

I turned to the summoning circle. "I still have no clue what I did last time." I whisper.

"I hear you!" I hear Lancer's footsteps approach the shed.

"Please, just one more time." The Command Seals burst into light on my hand.

The summoning circle floods the room with its brilliance. I'm forced to shield my eyes, and take a step back, tripping over some junk and landing on my ass. I don't remember it being this bright last time.

Seven bursts of light, red, white, blue, black, blue, white, red. Seven perfect forms. Seven Servants. Seven Sabers. Wait…. This is bad. This is very very bad.

"I am Saber, Servant of the sword. I ask of you: are you my Master?" Seven voices ring out. Only then do they look around.

"This is problematic." Left White joked.

"Are you kidding? This is awesome." The Red next to her replied.

"Shirou, just what is happening?" My Saber, Arturia, the Blue on the left cocked her head to the side cutely.

"What the hell is going on?" Black sounds pissed off

"How come none of you care there's a Servant outside?" The other blue had his back to me. His?

"Lancer, I presume? Any last words?" the White Girl next to him called outside, also turning around.

"Dad?" The last of the girls is staring at Saber.

And Lancer, still outside, screamed to the heavens "WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?"

"Saber?" I got off the ground.

"Yes, Master?" Seven voices answered in unison.

"Crap, I'll need names from all of you later." I said, mostly to myself.

The summoning circle glowed again, and in a flash of gold light, a … man in a brown leather duster and pointy hat appeared in the middle of the room. He looked around.

"Damn it, I was in Tahiti, getting a massage from twins! And I get summoned! And not only is it a Holy Grail War, but there is seven Gods be Damned Sabers. Lancer, is that you outside? Run!" he half muttered to himself.

Lancer took off running, full speed away from the Devil-child who summoned seven Sabers and an as-yet-unidentified Servant.

"So, um, how about those names, I can't call you all 'Saber'." I asked, half expecting to die.

Left white smiled at me "Queen Arturia Pendragon, Servant Saber, you may call me Lily."

The red next to her answered "Emperor Nero, Nero works as well as any name."

My Saber looked at me with a face that screamed danger "You know me, as I recall."

The only black is throwing glances at the others "Altria."

The guy with his back to me calls "Arthur" and charges out after Lancer.

The White-Who-Isn't-Lily follows him after saluting me "Joan D'Arc"

And the last Saber, who looks suspiciously like my Saber "Ummm, Mordred. My name is Mordred."

The guy in the hat looks me dead in the eye and says "Motherfucker, I ain't your Servant" _Oh Shit. _"and you just fucked my plans for this evening up hard. But just this once, I'll allow you to repent of your sins if you answer one question: how in the Warp did you summon seven Servants and force me to be reassigned here?"

"Pardon me? 'Reassigned'"

"I exist to make sure that stuff like this doesn't happen. And when it does, I get to the bottom of it. How did you summon seven Servants?"

"No clue."

"Great, just great." He mutters to himself. "Give me a moment." He turns and walks outside, his coat billowing as he walks. It should be criminal to look that badass. He summons a …chair? He sits in it and his mouth starts moving. I hear his voice in my head:

**Masters and Servants, hear my commands, as of this moment, there is a truce among participants of the Holy Grail War for a period of 72 hours, any found in violation of this truce will be eliminated with extreme prejudice. Furthermore, all Servants are to meet at the entrance to Kotomine Church tomorrow at noon, come alone, unarmed, materialized, and sane. Any who do not appear will be eliminated with extreme prejudice.**

And on that note, the message ended. The man dismissed his chair and walked out. Joan called out "Master, there is another enemy servant outside the compound!" She and the other Sabers all went over the wall, I followed through the door. Six of my Servants stood just out of reach of Archer, unable to approach further.

"What is going on here?" I asked to the night at large.

"One of my Noble Phantasms has the secondary ability of preventing Servants from fighting each other if I will it." The guy in the duster called out from behind me as he walks away.

"Great." I mutter "Any way, I'm going to go cook dinner, if any of you would like to join me, feel free." I tell my Servants my immediate plans. "Tohsaka, would you like some tea?" And extend my hospitality to my guest. The school idol turns up her nose at my request. Arthur seems to have given up on his fruitless chase, after running back, he joins Joan in keeping an eye on the red duo as the other Sabers follow me into the house. Tohsaka and Archer retreat, leaving Joan and Arthur as the two on guard duty for the night.

* * *

**Interlude**

Bazett McRemitz heaved a sigh of relief as the message that bought Lancer time to save her from Kirei ended. She looked at her knight in blue, who in turn stared at the retreating false priest. "Who or what was that?" she asked him.

"Some kid across the river managed to summon eight Servants." She gasped in surprise at this revelation. "Seven were obvious Sabers and one other that I couldn't identify as any class." Bazett's jaw dropped. Seven Sabers, a force like that would utterly destroy anyone who tried to stop them, the War was lost.

"That meeting, are you going?"

"Don't see many other options, even if it is an ambush from those Sabers, I'll probably be able to talk them into taking me one at a time. And we both know I'm good at that."

"True enough, you're going to need a ton of prana." Bazett shifted into her strategy/planning mode.

"Thankfully, there's a way for you to give me that." Lancer smiled at her. A genuine smile. A flirtatious smile.

They didn't say much of anything else for the rest of the night.

* * *

**Interlude**

"Berserker can't go to that obvious ambush from Caster." Ilyasviel von Einzburn was talking to herself in the hallway of her castle. "I mean why would he? And so obvious? Ha! I won't fall for such an obvious trap!"

A man in a trench-coat and a pointy hat walked in. "In that case, bring him out and I'll shove my hammer through his chest right now."

"Wait, what? Berserker! Kill him!" Ilya's titanic servant appeared behind her. The man sighed. A large silver hammer appearing in his hands.

"Here I was hoping to just get a massage, but between that punk and you I have to fight fucking Hercules as a warp damned Berserker. Come, Hercules, make my night!" He raised the hammer to point straight at Berserker's head.

"How did you know my Servant's name?" Ilya screamed at the man.

"I know every possible Servant and can identify them instantly. It's a tertiary ability of one of my Noble Phantasms." The man's voice stayed even throughout the entire exchange.

"T- t- tertiary?" Ilya looked paler that usual at this revelation.

"Yes. Tertiary, as in 'so minor it's almost not worth mentioning'" the man seemed to be enjoying this.

"T- t- then what's its primary function?" Ilya slowly seemed to be pulling herself together.

"This." And a Servant identical to her own appeared behind the man. Ilya collapsed. The man's Berserker disappeared and instead he drew a small knife. Berserker charged him, the axe- sword aiming for his body mass. The man moved so fast he wasn't even a blur, dancing around Berserker and stabbing him in the back. The mad light faded slowly from Berserker's eyes. "Hercules, I don't want to hurt you, in fact, I'm going to need your help."

**"Then what did you do to my Master"**

"Mostly, I gave you back your sanity. Ilyasviel will be fine. I need you to keep her that way and come to Kotomine church tomorrow, unarmed. Otherwise, I will have to kill you."

**"You could try."**

"I will succeed. I'm going to leave now." The man turned his back on Berserker and slowly walked out.

* * *

**Shirou**

Shirou woke up the next morning as usual, if somewhat warm. Then he realized that he was in bed with five women, all of the Sabers but Arthur and Joan, who should have been keeping watch. I sigh as I remember the monumental amounts of food this group can demolish. I slowly and carefully extricated myself from the tangle of limbs and women. I poke Arturia a little bit to wake her up. "Good morning." I whisper to her. "Care for some breakfast?"

She grasps the situation instantly, and slowly, slowly, carefully, removes herself from Lily's embrace. "Food? From you? Always, Shirou." She's beautiful when she smiles like that. We softly walk out to the kitchen, it's about half an hour earlier than I normally get up, but passing the time with Saber is easy, especially as I cook for her. Lily is the first other Saber to get up and she follows her nose to the dining room.

"Breakfast?"

"In a minute, Lily." Saber answers her.

"I'm done actually, there should even be enough for all of us." I carry out all of the food and the three of us sit at the table. "Itadakimasu."

"Itadakimasu."

"Itadakimasu." And we dig in to breakfast.

"Master, this is delicious." Lily seems enraptured by my food.

"Indeed it is. As always. Thank you, Shirou." Saber nods in agreement.

"Lily, there's something I want to ask you."

"Go ahead, Master."

"What's your story, I've seen Saber's background in the dream cycle, but what's yours?"

"I drew the sword from the stone. I defended my kingdom for many long years before I died. After the first six or so, I couldn't keep my gender a secret any longer, I revealed myself as a woman to the nation, and following a brief insurrection, peace reigned through the land. I even had a child with my husband-in-all-but-name."

"Who was that? Lancelot?"

"Actually, yes, we couldn't marry because the people decided they didn't want to be ruled by a King, I was doing the job fine. Little Mordred took over England after my death, though mine was a boy."

I couldn't shake the feeling that something horrible was about to happen when the phone rang. I answered "Emiya Residence"

"Sempai?"

"Yes, Sakura?"

"I'm feeling a little ill, I don't think I'll be able to join you for breakfast, so I'll see you at school."

"Ok Sakura, get better."

"Yes Sempai, good bye."

"Good bye Sakura."

Joan came into the kitchen. "Master, there is a strange lady in a striped shirt and green skirt attempting to enter the house. How should we proceed?"

I knew I forget something. Let's just get this over with. "It's Fuji-nee, let her in."

"Arthur and I will remain out of her sight."

"Thank you, Joan." She walked out to the courtyard.

"Fuji-nee?" Lily looked confused.

"My legal guardian and teacher, I think she only comes here because I feed her."

"With your cooking as good as it is, I don't blame her." Lily has a sense of humor, good.

Fuji-nee walked in. "Good morning Shirou." She practically shouted. She's very loud in the mornings. I hoped against hope that the three sleeping Sabers stayed that way. Fuji-nee opened her eyes. "Shirou what are these two foreign women doing in your house?" Her smile turned from jokingly happy to cold and murderous. When did she pull out her shinai? "Shirou, are you doing inappropriate things with these two beautiful foreign women in your house?" She raised her shinai. Lily and Saber got up to intercept my semi-inevitable fate.

"Of course not, Fujimura-sensei." Fuji-nee likes being called Fujimura-sensei "These two are just associates of Dad's. They are in town for a few weeks and needed a place to stay. That's all."

"Besides," Saber, what are you doing? Why are you coming towards me? "do you think I would let my sister anywhere near Shirou? I'm the only one he's been doing anything with." And Saber kissed me. In that moment of bliss I hated her. I was going to drown her next meal is wasabi and use a Command Spell to force her to eat it! I'm going to lock her in a room with Berserker! I'm going to open my mouth and use tongue during this kiss. Sometimes I hate my body. She breaks off the kiss and whispers in my ear "This time, you handle Taiga."

"I'll get you for this." I whisper back.

"Shirou! Come face me in the dojo now! I'll teach you to keep your strange foreign lovers at your house!" Fuji-nee grabbed me by the ear and dragged me out to meet my fate. In the dojo I get myself a shinai and prepared to face my death at the hands of Fuji-nee like a true samurai.

Except it doesn't happen. I win the duel. Somehow. Fuji-nee is on her knees at my feet crying her eyes out.

"Fuji-nee, please get up." She just keeps crying. "Fuji-nee, I can't make breakfast if you're holding onto my legs like this." That got her to let go of course. I walked back to the kitchen. Nero, Mordred, and Altria, as well as Saber and Lily were there. "Good morning everybody, I may not have enough time to make enough food for all of you, I'm sorry."

"I can help." Mordred piped up. Between the two of us, we managed to get all the food prepared and between all of the big eaters we had, getting rid of the food was absolutely no problem.

* * *

**The Emperor**

I waited outside of the church for the other Servants to come. Lancer was first, Archer, Berserker, who helped me break up their fight, me using one of my Noble Phantasms, him using a very large body nigh-invulnerable to anything they could throw at him. A hooded lady who could only be Caster was next. A very BDSM Rider, and the male Saber came up the hill side by side having a rather pleasant conversation about the weather. They were followed by a man in a samurai outfit.

"Excellent, as I am sure some of you know by now, something has gone horribly horribly wrong and seven Sabers have been summoned." Everyone turned to look at Saber. "Why only one has decided to follow my instructions I do not know, however, he is a knight and can be trusted to take the news back to the others." Everyone turned to look at me. "The Holy Grail has decided that instead of having me simply kill six of the Sabers, every Master will be granted seven Servants. Except Archer's Master." The tan man's jaw dropped. "Who will only need to summon five more Servants." Gilgamesh walked out of the church. "Because you already have one more. Furthermore, until I can determine just why the Grail wants to screw over everything so epicly, the truce will remain in effect."

"Seven Servants for each of the seven Classes?" Lancer seemed floored. "How the hell are our Masters supposed to maintain that?"

"Easy, they won't have to. I've opened the floodgates, all of you are being maintained by me." I said. That drew some stares. "One of my Noble Phantasms is a prana sink bordering on infinite. The Grail itself has been drawing on it for centuries." I deadpanned.

"Anyway, all of you, go home, summon more Servants. I'll contact all of you when you can start fighting. Caster and Assassin, remain here. " I dismissed them. All of the Servants save two left. "Caster, I understand you have summoned your own Servant?"

"Yes, what's it to you?" the woman answered me.

"Caster, you may leave now. Assassin, do you wish to be a full participant in this War?" I asked the samurai.

"Of course, why else would I be here?" he answered.

"Good, I have just the man in mind." I smiled at him. "Unfortunately, he's in England just now. So give him a few days of transit time."

"Of course. If I may ask your identity?"

"I am of the Servant class Emperor, I'm only summoned when things go wrong. Now go, your Master will be here in a few days."

* * *

Author's Note

Now improved!

As always, constructive criticism is appreciated. The more specific, the better. Thank you one and all, and the next chapter should be out in a couple of days.

-Zed


	2. Chapter 2

**Interlude**

Lord Waver Velvet El-Melloi II woke up at the sound of his telephone ringing. It was an old fashioned model, separate mouth and ear pieces, wall mounted, very classy, it practically screamed 'old money'. Old money was one of many things Waver Velvet was _not._ When he answered the phone, he heard a strange voice "Lord El- Melloi II?"

"Yes. Who are you and what do you want?"

"I want a seventh Master for this Holy Grail War. A more appropriate question would be: what do _you _want, Waver?" The implications spiraled through Waver's mind almost instantly. A Holy Grail War, a chance to live through Hell in exchange for a wish. A Hell beside his King, Iskander, the man he swore to follow. Waver would chop off his own arms if it meant seeing his King of Conquerors again.

"I'll summon right now."

"Actually, I have your Servant here in Japan. It's not Iskander. But bring the mantle anyway."

"What Servant? Already there? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"

"Some kid summoned seven Sabers, instead of just killing six of them, the Grail has decided that there are going to be seven of each Class participating, each with a particular Master. I'm offering you Assassin."

"Has Rider's Master summoned yet?"

"No. Bring the mantle."

"Done. I'm in."

"See you when you get here."

-click-

Waver needed to plan, Waver needed time. Waver needed to go back to sleep, it was 3:30 in the morning after all. Waver couldn't sleep. Waver needed a plane ticket to Japan. Waver needed his grad student to wake up. In a voice emulated from one of the louder generals in history, Waver yelled "NUADA! WAKE UP! WE'RE GOING TO JAPAN!"

His right hand, Emilie Nuada-Re, stumbled out of her bedroom, clad only in a sheet, her short red hair tousled from either sleep or the one night stand she'd been having. "Master, I can't go."

"Why not, is it that student you're carrying on with tonight?"

"Who, Archie? No! He's nothing! He's not even that good in bed!"

"Then what is the matter, Student?"

"Master, you aren't wearing pants. Not that I'm complaining or anything, it's just that you can't board a plane without pants."

Waver looked down. "You're right, I'm putting on some pants, and then we're going to Japan!"

"What about packing? Are we going to do any of that?" Emilie turned and slid back into her own room to begin packing for another harebrained adventure. Waver put on a pair of trousers, and got online to purchase plane tickets. Waver was odd among the instructors at the Clock Tower because he actually bothered to use technology, mostly for gaming. But his tech-savviness came in handy when maintaining a low profile in the normal world.

"Excellent, Emilie, I have us booked from Heathrow in 4 hours. We should be in Japan by tomorrow." Emilie was very good at packing and generally looking after Waver. It was one of several reasons he let her use the bedroom in his apartment. She had already packed a suitcase for both of them. She even poured them each a glass of orange juice.

"Master, why are we going to Japan?" Emilie looked up at him innocently, taking a drink of her juice.

"A Holy Grail War. I'm joining another one." Emilie blew her orange juice out of her nostrils.

"A WHAT? A WAR? YOU MEAN LIKE THE ONE MY SISTER DIED IN?" She screamed at an unneeded volume.

"Quiet down. Yes, like the one your sister died in. But you won't be there to fight or join in in any way. It's time at least one of my students learned that magecraft isn't all fun and games. We're Magi, that means we walk hand in hand with death. You can either deal it or be dealt it. So, Emilie, will you dance with the Devil?"

"Master. How am I to learn if I don't join in?"

"By watching. Hopefully the other Masters and Servants aren't pragmatic."

"Why would you say such a thing?"

"Because otherwise, I'm a dead man walking."

* * *

**Shirou (20 minutes earlier)**

"So then, Emiya-san, who's this?" Ryudou Issei, my best friend and the guy I eat lunch with.

"This is, umm" I stall for time. The truth is, I have no clue how to explain the fact that Mordred just showed up at my school in what is probably meant to be casual, non-conspicuous dress. I suppose gothic dress in bright scarlet is less obvious than armor. But not much. The rumors about the elegant foreign cosplayer and Emiya Shirou are probably already upgraded from 'she brought him lunch' to 'they had sex on the school roof in front of half, no make that a dozen teachers.'

"An associate of his father's, my siblings and I will be in town on business for a few weeks. Shirou was kind enough to offer us a place to stay." Mordred cut in with the usual answer. At least, the answer for everybody at school except Tohsaka. The answer for her is that I forgot my lunch and my Servant was kind enough to bring it.

"Issei-san, do you know where Tohsaka-san would be about now?" I cut in, hoping to distract him.

"Toh- Tohsaka-san? As in Tohsaka Rin? Shirou, what could you possibly want with tat fake honor student, that devil-woman?" I underestimated how worked up Issei was getting over even hearing Rin's name. This was serious, I had to get him to shut up before he hurt himself. Mordred stood up before I could think of anything, grabbed Issei by the lapels of his uniform and pulled him into a kiss. A very long and steamy-looking kiss. I think I saw her tongue before I averted my eyes. Mordred let issei go and started to leave.

"Goodbye Emiya-san. Goodbye, Issei-kun." Mordred called over her shoulder in a singsong voice as she walked out the door. Those rumors just just morphed into 'Emiya Shirou and his mysterious foreign, beautiful lover made love on the roof and then went down to the student council room to include Ryudou Issei in their depravity.' I was never going to be able to live this down. I hate it when this kind of stuff happens. But at least Issei won't hurt himself out of anger. If only I could get him to calm down.

"Relax, Issei-san, this temptation, too, shall pass." I close my finished lunch. Mordred is actually a pretty good cook.

"Yes. Yes of course it will. Yes, of course, Emiya-san. It will." At least Issei is talking again.

"Mind if I go for a bit?"

"Absolutely not Emiya-san, I think I need some time alone." Issei responded. I need to find Rin. I'll try the roof. She seems like the type to eat lunch on the roof. I was right, it only took a few seconds to find Rin once I got to the rooftop.

"Hello there Tohsaka-san."

"What do you want Emiya-kun?" She's blushing for some reason. She's cute when she blushes. A person tends to forget that kind of thing when you see someone else covered in their own blood and collapsed against the wall of your house.

"Just wanted to say hello."

"You've said it, why aren't you gone yet?"

"I was wondering if you've heard any news about the Servant's meeting?"

"It just-" The bell cut her off. "-ended." She finished with an annoyed look on her face.

"Let's go to class." I motion for her to follow me.

"Fine, whatever, let's just go." What did I do to make her so angry? Some questions are better left unanswered. When we walked into class one after another, I think I just upgraded the rumors again. Damn. Some days I just can't win.

* * *

After school I started walking home with Sakura. She had to meet the Sabers sometime, now was as good a time as any. Joan was on lookout, she's really reliable that way. She disappeared to tell the others that I brought company. I hope. Otherwise it's going to get really awkward when they see her making lovey-dovey eyes at me every 5 or so steps. I walk up to the main door and unlock it. It swings open to reveal all seven Sabers, standing in a circle, having a discussion, something about seven Servants? Oh well, I'll get it out of them later. I shut the door behind me, probably a little loudly. They all shut up and turned to look at Sakura and I. "Sakura, I'd like you to meet the Saber family. They knew my father and are in town on business. I offered to let them stay here because I have plenty of room." At least none of them were in armor. That would have been difficult to explain.

"Sempai, why are they here?"

"I told you, Sakura-chan, they are here on business."

"Yes, of course, what kind of business."

"The same as my father, I honestly never did ask him what he did."

Arthur spoke up "Acquisitions. We travel around the world looking for valuable artifacts."

"And then sell them?" Sakura looked confused.

"We work for a museum." Lily answered her.

"Ah, I understand." Sakura seemed convinced. "Sempai, I'll be in the dining room."

"Ok, I need to go grocery shopping today, so I may be a while." Sakura went into the house. I waited a moment before I turned to my Servants. "Alright, now, did any of you go to that meeting?"

"Yes Master." Arthur's answered instantly. "Our position remains unchanged, though you no longer need to supply us with prana."

"That's a relief, I have only slightly above average reserves." I breathed a sigh of relief.

"And instead of killing six of us, the Grail has decided to allow the other Masters to summon seven servants as well."

My jaw dropped. _49 Servants, 7 Masters._ "Shit."

* * *

**Interlude**

"So, let me get this straight. I'm allowed to summon seven Archers?" Rin asked the two men in front of her.

"Yes." the red Archer answered.

"But we aren't allowed to fight until this unknown Servant figures out just what's going on?"

"Exactly." The gold Archer smirked at her.

"Excellent, then we summon tonight." The girl decided.

* * *

Rin checked the clock, 1:30 am, on schedule to summon at the peak of her power. She began the ritual, her two Servants on hand to handle any issues that may arise. Her red mystery Archer had already proven himself capable of going toe to toe with another knight class in melee, and the gold Servant had him on edge for some reason, so she figured that with both of them there they'd be able to handle almost anything. The ritual was as long as last time, though it was more draining, she'd used up most of her favorite and biggest gem's reserves summoning her red knight. But such is life. She'd put every remaining gem in her extensive collection/arsenal into this circle. She prayed the results would justify the cost. The circle in front of her rose and at the perfect moment, separated into five identical circles in five different colors. The top circle was a bright gold, like the armor of her second Servant. The second was green, the green of open fields on a bright day. The third was a white so pure, it made snow look like dust. The fourth was a regal blue, it reminded her of the sky on a clear day. And the last and lowest circle was a dusty brown. The circles each solidified into a form, as her new Servants came forth, a shockwave expanded over her, filling her heart and mind with the rapture of total success. She'd done it. She'd summoned five more Servants.

"Alright, all of you, I'm going to need to know your names. Including you two." She looked pointedly at her red Archer while she said this. She'd teach him to give her straight answers. "Brown, you first."

"I am King David of Israel. At your call, I have come forth, Master." He kneeled as he said this.

"Excellent. Blue?" Rin nodded at the brown Servant.

"Minamoto no Tametomo, Master, at your summons I have come forth." Rin smiled knowing that she had summoned two so renowned and powerful Servants.

"Good, good. White?"

"I am Simo Hayha, the White Death."

"Who?" Rin was honestly confused, she'd never heard of this guy before.

"During The Second World War, the Soviet Union attacked Finland in the so-called 'Winter War'. I killed over 700 men during that winter."

Her red Archer piped in "Some even argue that you turned back the Russians through sheer force of reputation."

"Some would argue." Simo agreed "But not me, every Finnish man, woman, and child deserves equal credit for that campaign."

"But not every Finnish man, woman, and child is called 'The White Death'." Red countered. Simo shrugged.

"Regardless, I can work with this." Rin moved on. "Green?"

"Robin in the Hood, I won't call you 'Master', Missy, what's your name?"

"My name is Tohsaka Rin. I've heard of you, so let's get this over with: No stealing. From anybody." Robin Hood nodded. "and now, Gold, what's your name?"

"I am Gilgamesh! King of Heroes!" the Golden Adonis in front of her exclaimed.

"Impossible!" A cry from behind her echoed throughout the chamber. "You can't be Gilgamesh, because _I_ am Gilgamesh!"

"Knave! How dare you take a King's name in front of it's true bearer!"

"Umm, guys?" Rin interrupted before this could escalate.

"Yes Master?" two identical voices ask her as two identical heads turn towards her with two identical pair of eyes expecting a response.

"You both look and sound and act a lot alike." Rin pointed out.

"Aye, Missy. That they do." Robin agreed.

"I suppose." The Gilgameshs turned their backs on each other.

"If it helps any, from what Rin and I saw the other night, four or more of the Sabers are variations on the same hero." Red joined in. at least that got the golden Servants to calm down.

"Be that as it may, I need to differentiate you two somehow." Rin mused for a moment, then pointed at the Gilgamesh with twin hilts over his shoulders "You, without the breastplate, You're Sword-Gil." She pointed at the other Gilgamesh "And you're Armor-Gil."

"I refuse such a ridiculous name. I am Gilgamesh. I need and will accept no other name." Armor-Gil stated simply.

"Fine then. You're Gilgamesh, and he's Proto-Gil. That sounds cool I guess. Are you two ok with that?" Rin shrugged, she was tired after a long night.

"It will do." Gilgamesh turned up his nose and walked up the stairs.

"Rin, you can call me anything you like." Proto-Gil smirked at her. She blushed to her ears, he did look like a model after all, and that chest was straight out of some of her fantasies.

"Don't hold your breath." Rin mumbled at him.

"Rin, I can hold my breath for over fifteen minutes, which I will be only two willing to demonstrate in the bedroom." Rin's jaw dropped. She stood there about 5 seconds before she fainted.

* * *

**Emperor**

I needed a contract with one of the locals, preferably one who had nothing to do with the war. A likely youth was walking up the street, heading for the mountain. He must live at the temple up there.

"Excuse me, sir?" I called to him. He turned to face me."Would you please sign this, sir?" I hel;d out my clipboard, it was a typical petition-y type document. Something about animal rights or some such. I hadn't been paying much attention when I acquired it.

"Yes of course." he took out a pen and signed the paper. I did a bit of alteration and made the ink bleed through to the real contract underneath.

"Thank you very much sir." We bowed to each other and I held out my hand. He reached out and clasped it firmly. Good. "**I am Thine, as Thou art Mine. Thou shalt serve as my Anchor. And I shall protect Thou with My life."** The young man looked at me confused.

"What just happened?"

"I'll explain everything, later. Now then-" I checked the paper "-Ryudou Issei, do you have some place we can discuss these matters more privately?"

"I live in the temple on top of the mountain."

"Yes, that will do nicely."

"What matters need to be discussed?"

"A simple little matter of life or death."

* * *

Author's Note: Next two chapters or so are basically going to be introducing the Servants. Sorry if it get's dry. I tried to include at least one awesome/ hilarious character in each class. As always, feedback is loved. Be back with Chapter 3 soon.


	3. Chapter 3

Worse Wishes Chapter 3

**Interlude**

Ilyasviel von Einzbern was peeved at some recent developments in this Holy Grail War. Firstly, there was a mysterious, totally unprecedented, and horribly over-powered Servant running around. Secondly, this mystery Servant had the gall to walk into her own castle and stab her Berserker with a knife, apparently restoring her Hercules to sanity. Thirdly, this Servant told all of the Servants to instruct their Masters to summon six more Servants, because Onii-chan had summoned seven damn Sabers. Onii-chan's refusal to lay down and die was also a problem, but it paled in comparison to this mystery Servant. But none of that mattered to Ilya. She was going to perform the ritual to summon Servants again anyways. After all, given the opportunity to summon again, she'd have to be mad not to take it.

"Everything is perfect." Ilya said to no one in particular, in spite of there being her three companions, both her Servant Hercules and her servants, Leysritt and Sella. Leysritt had her halberd. They were prepared for anything. Iyla was the strongest master ever produced by the Einzbern clan. No matter what came through that circle, they could kill it. The larger master circle had six smaller circles laid out in a hexagon. It was the moment of success or failure. Ilya started the hour long ritual at exactly the proper time. And she finished perfectly on schedule. Each of the smaller summoning circles rose in a pillar of pure light, together so bright they darkened the sun. As the light faded Ilya looked with pride on her seven Berserkers. Three of the Servants were knights in brilliant armor, one golden and unarmed, the second silvery white with a sword on his hip, and the third in dull, bolt like metal with a large hilt visible over his shoulder. The fourth was a man with a wolf pelt thrown over his shoulders like a cape, the head of the pelt serving as his hood. Fifth was a proud, Chinese looking man, a halberd not unlike Leysritt's head down before his feet. And last was a man in his apparent 40's, wearing aviator sunglasses, combat boots, cargo shorts, and an open front Hawaiian print shirt over a shirt with no sleeves. With a graying mohawk and a beard. Ilya fought the urge to beat her head against a wall. Six fine, proper, upstanding Servants and that thing. Her perfect reputation was ruined.

"I'm Ilyasviel von Einzbern, your Master. I need to know your names." Ilya fought to regain her composure and sound imposing.

The golden knight answered first "I am Enkidu of Babylon." Ilya was surprised that she had summoned such an obviously powerful servant without a catalyst.

The Wolf man was next "Wolf the Quarrelsome. It's fine if ye haven't heard of me before. Oh, and I'm going ta be borrowing that lovely lady's axe, if'n ye dun mind."He said, nodding towards Leysritt. An obvious Irishman, but Ilya liked his attitude.

She turned to the Chinese man. He caught her gaze with his own. "Lu Bu. I serve you until Judgement, Master." Ilya had heard of him, even in Europe. Between Lu Bu, Enkidu, and Hercules, not much would be standing in her way. Especially not Onii-chan and his Sabers. Ilya smiled cruelly at the thought of what she would do to her brother after she killed all of his Servants.

The silver knight spoke up next "I am Sir Lancelot of the Lake. At your service, Master." He kneeled before her. With even only four such spectacular Servants, what hope could any of the other Masters have? Her smile morphed into a grin.

The dark knight was growing impatient. Ilya looked at him and he spoke "Most call me Beowulf, Master, at your summoning I have come forth." Ilya was awestruck with her Servants. In this room were five of the most over the top heroes in history. And they all answered to her and her alone.

She turned, beaming, to the last of them, and her smile faded. The bizarre man had pulled something akin to a cigarette out of somewhere and was smoking it. "And who might you be?"

His answer was an almost incomprehensible grunt between puffs on the thing in his mouth. "Henderson."

"Is that your first or last name?" She inquired, more out of duty than curiousity.

"I haven't a fucking clue. Have you seen any of me lawn gnomes around?"

* * *

**Interlude**

Bazett woke up the next morning, after another mad love session with Lancer. The Irish mage had to admit she was impressed by her Servant's stamina and –other- skills. She knew the stories and all, but this was ridiculous. 3 times a night, twice in a row. He was truly insatiable. And she was sore. She tried to roll over and sleep it off but Lancer still had his arm over her body and he was sound asleep. Bazett's left arm was free of her Servant's body. She paused to consider her options, and after a moment's thought, she hauled back and punched Lancer in the face. Thankfully she didn't have a good angle on the punch, otherwise she might have hurt her hand on his chiseled jaw. She shook her head at that thought, she needed to stop thinking about her Servant like that. Her Servant and his fantastic body. No, there she goes again. Lancer flew out of bed and took most of the blankets with him.

"Bazett, we need to talk." Lancer was very calm, almost too calm for having just gotten punched in the face.

"What is it Lancer?" Bazett was honestly curious. She was also starting to get cold.

"This has to stop. You. Me. Us. This can't continue." Lancer turned away as he said this.

Bazett lay there in stunned silence as what Lancer had said slowly sunk in. "Y-Y-You mean you're breaking up with me?" Bazett slowly stood.

"I guess I am." Bazett tackled him from behind, nearly bowling Lancer over as her arms wrapped around him.

"But why? What did I do? If it's something I haven't done, I'll do it! If it something I've done I'll undo it! Why don't you love me Lancer?" Lancer turned around and raised Bazett's face until her tear-filled eyes met his. Her tears were cascading down her cheeks. Lancer was struck by her beauty, just as he was the day she summoned him into this time. Only, this time it was different. This time, instead of merely seeing a pretty lass, he saw a woman completely and utterly in love with him. She reminded him of more than one woman during his life. But this time was different. This time he felt himself tearing up in response to her. His strong arms wrapped around her, surrounding her with his warmth.

"I do. That's the problem. I can't defend you like this. I need to keep you safe. Partly to atone for all the people I let down when I was alive. But mostly-" His tears started running down his face. "But mostly so that I have something to win this war for. Bazett Fraga McRemitz, I'm fighting for you. I'm fighting to be with you. But I know we won't win this fight unless we stop this. I love you, Master." Lancer buried his face in her hair as she blubbered into his chest. They stood there crying on each other for what seemed like hours. Lancer eventually looked at the clock. "Master, The peak of your power is about 10 in the morning, right?"

"Yes, it is. Why is it so important, Servant?"

"Because it's 8:30 now, that gives us 45 minutes to get ready before we need to start the summoning ritual." Lancer pointed out. "45 minutes is just enough time for us both to clean ourselves up." She looked up into his eyes again.

"You're right Lancer, I must look a frightful mess." Bazett sighed.

"You didn't until I dribbled some snot into your hair." Lancer dematerialized with one last joke at Bazett's expense. Bazett just blushed a little, sighed and went to take a shower.

She couldn't get Lancer's speech out of her head the entire time. 'I love you'. He had finally said it to her. After she had tried so hard, for so long. It was worth it to hear those words. She resolved then and there to win this damn War and live out the rest of her life with him. It was the wish they shared. She finished in the shower and dried herself off. When she finished that, she got dressed and walked down to the kitchen for breakfast. Lancer already had her coffee on the counter, waiting for her. He was bad at making the drink, but it's the thought that counts. She smiled a little as she opened the cupboard and made herself some simple oatmeal.

When she finished with her breakfast, she went down to the basement to the summoning circle she and her Servant had prepared the night before. They'd gone over all of her previous circles and improved on them well into the night. Between his runes and her magic, they had designed a summoning circle based around a six-pointed Star of David, if all went well, each new Servant would appear in one of the triangular points, with Bazett and Cu Chulainn in the middle. Bazet and Lancer stood back to back and began the ritual, she chanting, and he writing runes in the air. They needed to not screw this up, and they both knew it. All too soon it was over, the circle activating and six new Servants appearing. As everyone started staring warily at each other, Bazett broke the silence.

"I know that this is a little unusual, but a Magus across town summoned seven Sabers." Bazett opened.

"And an as-yet-unknown-Servant. This Mystery Servant seems to have taken it on himself to figure out just what went wrong." Lancer continued.

"In the meantime, every Master is summoning seven Servants from each Class. Thus, seven Lancers." Bazett finished.

One of the men facing her, a Southern European by the looks of him spoke "Anything else we need to know?"

Lancer answered "The Mystery Servant is extremely powerful and seems to be able to force other Servants not to fight. One of his Noble Phantasms I think. Furthermore, said Servant is capable of broadcasting messages to every participant in this war simultaneously."

"Anyway, I'm going to need you gentlemen to introduce yourselves." Bazett looked around expectantly. She pointed at the one who asked for more information earlier "You first, introduce yourself please. We'll go clockwise from there."

The man drew himself up to his full height. "I am Saint Longinus of the Lance." Bazett stared at him. Longinus was one of the oldest and best known saints in all Christendom. And she'd summoned him as her Servant.

Bazett turned to look at the next Lancer "And you?"

"Karna, at your service." He bowed gracefully. Bazett hadn't heard of him, so she moved on.

Next was a Japanese-looking man "Honda Tadakatsu, wielder of Tonbo-Giri, the Dragonfly Cutter." Bazett had no clue what he was talking about, but it sounded awesome.

After that was another Southern European "I'm Achilles, the greatest of the Greek heroes. And-"

Cu Chulainn cut in "Bullshit, Hercules is the greatest of the Greeks. And he's a Berserker."

Achilles took half a step back "Hercules as a Berserker? Oh Gods on Olympus, no."

Bazett nodded in agreement "Basically. Next?" And she kept turning.

"Sun Wukong. Or the Monkey King, whichever you prefer, Master."

Bazett replied "The tail was a bit of a tip off. I've heard of your exploits even back in Ireland."

The last Lancer perked up when he heard she was Irish. "You're from Ireland? Where?"

Bazett turned to face the Lancer. He wore a green outfit similar to Cu Chulainn's and had two spears for some reason. "Ulster. Who are you?"

"I'm Diarmuid Ua Duibhne."

"I seriously summoned Diarmuid of the Love Spot?"

"Yes you did." Cu Chulainn answered from behind her. "And just for fairness, I'm Cu Chulainn. Also, Bazett?"

"Yes, Lan- Cu Chulainn? What is it?" Bazett turned around. And she saw her beloved Servant, her lover, Cu Chulainn clad in armor. Armor that she hadn't seen ever before. "Cu, what happened?"

"Either that summoning ritual got me closer to my roots, or it gave me another Noble Phantasm. This is the armor I wore in life, though I don't recall it having any special properties. I'm not complaining. It feels more comfortable than that body suit anyway." Cu Chulainn shrugged.

"Not for me." Bazett mumbled.

"Um, Master?" Achilles spoke up. "Do you have any food?"

"I'm not much of a cook, but I'll see what I can do. All of you, do you have outfits that are a little less," She paused to think of the word "over the top?"

"Ah, subtlety is requested." Sun said.

"Yes exactly. More like required." Bazett nodded and led the procession of hungry Servants up the stairs.

"Alright, fellow Lancers. I think we can all agree that next time we want a meal. We should go out and buy one for ourselves." Bazett glared at Karna as he said this.

"Agreed." Seven voices rung out in unison, Bazett's among them. Bazett was a horrible cook after all. She could admit it with grace.

* * *

**Shirou**

I woke up at my usual time and went over last night mentally.

* * *

_Flashback_

* * *

After Arthur's recap of the Servant meeting, I went shopping. I took Lily, Arturia, Joan, and Nero with me. They needed less obvious clothing, so we stopped by the clothing shop and left Lily, Joan, and Nero. Lily, Altria, Mordred, and Arturia were practically body doubles, and Arthur was about my size, so those three were really the only ones who had to actually buy clothing. I left Joan and Lily with more money than the three of them would need and instructions to keep the outfits typical. Arturia went to get the food. As the two of us were walking down the street, I saw the park where I'd met with Ilya a few times last War. I pointed it out as such to my companion.

"Shirou, you really should be more careful about that sort of thing." She chided.

"It was fine. She never had Berserker with her during the day, besides she's my little sister." I point out.

"You know that, and I know that, but does she?" Arturia just won't give up on this thread.

"She knew it last time; I don't see why it would be any different this time." I shut down this conversation before it could turn into a straight up argument there on the street.

"I know. What do you want to cook for dinner tonight?" She let go of the 'Other Masters are dangerous.' thing. I guess she figured that I'd gotten that beaten into me last time around.

"I haven't really thought of that. Something western." I shrugged.

"Thank you, that'll be nice." She smiled at me.

The two of us finished getting groceries, then went by to pick up the other three Sabers. Then our merry party went back home. Altria and Mordred were on guard duty, Arthur was presumably inside, maybe with Sakura. Once we were inside, Mordred, Altria, and Arturia went off to try on their new clothing. I left Nero and Lily on lookout, and Joan and I went into the dining room.

I walked into the dining room and I stopped dead, in stunned silence. Sakura had her arms around Arthur's neck and her cloudy eyes were half shut. Arthur, by contrast looked more panicked that I ever wanted to see any of my Servants and had one hand over her mouth, with the other pushing her gently off of him.

"Sakura, what is going on here?" I ask, as gently as I can. She looks up at me and I can almost hear something in her mind shatter. I know instantly that she's in pain, not physically, but in every other way. I see her tears welling up, and I hate myself for making her feel like this.

"Sempai, I- I- I'vegottogodosomething!" she practically screams as she rushes out of the house, nearly flattening Joan and I in the process. I look after her in silence. I hate it when I make people cry. Especially when they're people I care about.

Joan turned to Arthur, "Yes, Arthur, just what's going on?" Arthur made a sound I didn't think he was capable of making, and Joan grabbed him by the hair and started to drag him off.

"Joan, where are you taking him?" I queried, it would be troublesome if they weren't back in time for dinner.

"The dojo, I'm going to teach him the consequences of kissing underage girls behind my back." Joan smiled evilly down at Arthur.

"I didn't kiss her! Did you not see me trying to pry her off of me?!" Arthur yelled.

"Oh, is that what you were doing?" Joan gritted out from between clenched teeth.

"Arthur, face your death like a true man. I'll write a poem for your grave after it's over." I told the two of them. "And, Joan, be back in time for dinner."

"Yes, Master, of course." Joan replied and she dragged him off.

* * *

All of the Sabers were gathered around the table for dinner. Mordred, Lily, Altria, and Arturia were all in their new 'public' clothing. Nero was as well, but she looked so very different, between her, natural assets, and her willingness to flaunt them. Joan decided to go for bit of a change and was wearing a black dress, instead of her usual white. Arthur was in one of my shirts and jeans. Between the eight of us, the amount of food we ate was prodigious.

"Guys if we keep this up, I'm going have to go shopping again in two days." I called out from the kitchen. After I finished with the dishes, I walked back to the dining room. Only Arturia was there.

"Saber, what's going on?" I asked.

"Altria said something about a bath, Nero and Mordred are out on guard duty, Lily is still playing dress up, and Joan and Arthur are off doing," she paused "something together." She looked down for just a moment.

"Define 'something'." I sat down next to her and reached my arm around her shoulders.

"I think they're making love." Saber leaned against me as she said that. I tipped her head back a little and turned my own to face hers.

"What would you like to do tonight, Saber?" I asked her, moving my head slowly towards hers. In answer, she reached her arm up around my head and pulled me into a long, slow, almost chaste, kiss.

"Hold like you did that night. The night before the battle."

"I will. On one condition. Finish what you were about to say as the sun broke over the horizon." I hold her closer against me.

"Shirou, I love you." Saber whispered in my ear. With that, I picked her up in the 'Princess' or 'Bridal' carry and brought her back to my- no, _our_ bedroom. All in all, it was a good night.

* * *

_End Flashback_

* * *

I stood out in front of my school during the lunch break, staring in disbelief at my Servants. All seven of them decided to stand guard outside of school today. "Only three of you can stay!" I hissed at them.

'But which three? That's the only question." Lily smiled at me like the saint Joan was.

I thought for a moment. "Arturia, Arthur, and Nero can stay. The rest of you, go home." The four I didn't name shot me venomous looks. Especially Joan for some reason. Ah, she didn't want to be away from Arthur. Well, too bad for her, she'd have to deal with it. With this crisis averted, I turned back to go eat lunch with Issei, as usual. Thankfully, today I had had time to make myself lunch. Both Fuji-nee and Sakura almost seemed to be avoiding me this morning, it was really weird. I worried about those two more than I should with the War on. I opened the door to the Student Council Room and there were two figures there for some reason. Issei and Tohsaka.

"Good morning, Emiya- san." Issei looked up when he heard the door open.

"Good morning you two." I replied.

"Good, the fake janitor is here. Ryudou-san, can we start now?" Rin seems to be really impatient about something.

"Alright. Shirou, Tohsaka,- how do I ask this- Are you two Magi?" issei asks bluntly. For crying out loud, what was he saying?

"Yes." Rin answers nonchalantly. I stare at her for a second. What was she thinking?

"Yeah, but I'm bad at it." I figure it's best to be truthful.

"And the two of you are Masters? Each with your own Servants?"

"OF course." Damn, Rin, sometimes I hate your cocky attitude.

"Yeah. Why is this so important, Issei?" I leave my most important question unasked _How did you find out?_

"Because I'm serving as Anchor for the Emperor." Issei dropped a bombshell on the two of us.

"Anchor, what so you mean by that?" Rin cut to the chase.

"It's kind of like a Master, but only if you're a non-magus. It basically means that I'm just here to keep him spending prana like crazy just to walk around. Even with Independent Action, he needs prana to survive. I just cut down on his passive use" Tohsaka's getting angry. "Don't look at me like that, Tohsaka-san. The situation isn't entirely unprecedented."

"Name just one case, Ryudou-san. Just one." Rin barely made out from between her grinding teeth.

"Easily, Souchirou-sensei and Caster-chan are a perfect example." I had a spit- take. Souchirou-sensei, the robotic man, and Caster? The psycho who nearly killed me in my own home before Gilgamesh destroyed her? That Caster?! The man himself walked into the room from the adjacent staff lounge.

"Ryudou-san. Caster just informed me that both Berserker's and Lancer's Masters have summoned their full compliment. Only Caster, Assassin, and Rider are left."

"Thank you Souchiou-sensei, and please thank Caster-san for me." Issei nodded to him.

"I already have." The teacher turned and walked out, back the way he had come in.

"Only Caster, Assassin, and Rider, huh?" Rin seemed lost in thought. "I wonder what's taking them so long."

"Does it matter, Tohsaka-san?" I ask her, knowing she may bite my head off for such a question.

"Not really." She shrugged.

The bell to end lunch rung and the three of us filed out to our classrooms. I was still worried about Sakura.

* * *

I walked out to my Servants. I was late enough to avoid the immediate rush out after school, but too early for any of the clubs to be done. "Hello everybody."

"Good afternoon Master." Arthur was the first to look up.

"Hello Shirou." Nero was next.

Arturia just stood up, walked towards me and kissed me on the cheek. "Hello." The other two Sabers also stood up and walked over.

"Alright you three, I'm really worried about Sakura, so I want to leave one of you to look after her." The two girls looked at Arthur and Nero raised her eyebrow.

"She's all yours, Two-Timer." Nero said as she looked him in the eye.

Arthur closed his eyes and sighed. "Fine, I'll handle it." He said resignedly.

"Good. Now, Shirou, let's go home." Arturia took me by the arm and practically dislocated my shoulder dragging me away from school. Nero followed the two of us, whistling happily. Arthur just sat back down on his bench and looked dejected.

* * *

**Interlude**

"Proto-Gil, I'm worried about a girl named Matou Sakura. She should be staying late for Archery practice. I want you to tail her and make sure she's safe tonight." Tohsaka Rin looked in fine form, her uniform billowing lightly in the wind on the roof of the school.

"I obey, Master. How will I identify the target?" The blond man seemd genuinely interested in the task Rin was setting him. She guessed it was a round-about way of coming on to her. He did that a lot.

She pointed to the Archery dojo. "That building, long purple hair, smells like flowers, decent shot."

"You seem to know a lot about her, crush or some such?" Gil leaned back and laughed.

"Just keep her safe." Rin snapped and headed for the door.

"I obey. Truly, my Master is most terrifying. I wonder if that holds true between the sheets." Rin stalked in, off the roof. The King just turned waited for his mark to appear at the end of practice. "Matou Sakura, huh? It's such a pretty name, it's a shame it isn't Rin's or she'd be truly unresistable."

* * *

Author's Note: The boys from Prototype are getting together. And when they come together, things are going to go sideways. Next chapter should be fun. As always, review please, I really do pay attention.


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